Archive for the ‘family’ Category

A love letter

*All Bible quotes are NIV

God has blessed my wife Linda and me with four precious grandsons who are a continual source of delight for us. The youngest is six months old and lives on the east coast. His three older cousins on his mother’s side (B1, B2, & B3) are teenagers ranging in age from 13 to 17 years. They live in South Dakota.

For almost 10 years it was our privilege to live under the same roof with the three oldest boys and their parents, a family arrangement that is becoming more and more rare in the mobile society we live in today.  All three boys are blessed to be smart, tall, strong, fit, and athletic.  They are steadily progressing towards manhood. What a blessing it has been watching them grow and mature.

I pen this message to the three teenagers in the hope that someday, if not now, they might give my words some thought and gain some personal inspiration from them. I write it at this time for two reasons.  First, I will turn 70 soon. God only knows how many years I have remaining. Second, Linda and I recently moved back east where we will be close to our new grandson, saying a bittersweet farewell to our three teens for now. Here’s a letter from me to the three teenagers.  I hope that their young cousin might also read this someday when he is old enough to understand.

A gift for my grandsons

Psalm 127:3-5* Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame…

Psalm 128:6 May you live to see your children’s children…

My dear grandsons,

You will never know how much I love each of you unless you are fortunate enough to have a grandchild of your own someday.  I hope that you do because children and grandchildren are truly gifts from God.   

Your Nana and I have finally moved back to the east coast. Over the past nearly 10 years we’ve grown accustomed to living under the same roof with you. Although we love living near our new grandson, at the same time it is bittersweet not having daily personal contact with each of you. I write this letter to the three of you as a gift. I hope that someday, if not now, my advice will do you some good. Please spend some time thinking about the words of advice I give you today.

Honor your parents

Ephesians 6:2-3 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—“so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

Honor your parents and be grateful for all they do for you.  You’re still too young to fully understand the sacrifices they have made to make your lives happier and easier. They have fed you, dressed you, and provided a comfortable and safe place for you to live. They have worked extra jobs to ensure you always had enough. They have nursed you through sickness and injuries. They have lost countless hours of sleep for you.  They have driven you countless miles to church, school, appointments, ball practices, ball games, adventures, and other places. Never miss an opportunity to say “thanks” to them.

Get your priorities in order

2 Timothy 2:22 Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

Psalm 127:1 Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain.

Many things in life will vie for your attention, including family responsibilities, work, girls, sports, school and much more. You have to determine which of these you will invest your precious time and attention in. You will never have enough time to focus on all, so it’s important to set priorities and spend your time wisely.

When it comes to setting priorities, you can’t go wrong if you make God your very last priority—but don’t stop there. You should also make Him your first priority, and everything in between. If you make God your all-in-all, everything you do will be easier. You will not be filled with unwarranted fears and you will find it easier to please God.   Strive to please God in all that you do. You will not always succeed at this.  When you fail to please Him, the Holy Spirit that dwells inside you will let you know through a still small voice (1 Kings 19:11-13) that you will be unable to ignore. When this occurs act quickly and ask God for His forgiveness.

Get to know God

Study the scriptures and learn them. Wherever life leads you, seek out a good church home, one that preaches the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  Make time to pray and talk to God every day. He wants to be your friend and companion. He will have your back. Pray and then pray some more.  Have a daily conversation with God. Tell Him how you’re feeling. Thank him for every new day. Pray to Him for the needs of others. Take time to stop and listen to what he is saying to you.

I Thessalonians 5:16-18 Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Be kind to others

You know what it’s like to be ignored; be harshly treated; be lied or gossiped about; or have your feelings hurt by some other kind of cruelty. Make a point to be kind to others, without expecting that your kindness will be returned. Whenever possible, help the unfortunate and downtrodden. A simple kind work or making eye contact and smiling can make someone’s day.  Jesus was criticized by his enemies for hanging out with “sinners” like tax collectors, prostitutes, lepers, foreigners, and others who the Jews considered socially unacceptable. Model the way you treat others by trying to imitate Christ. Beware of modeling yourself after what society finds acceptable.

Hebrews 13:2 Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.

Matthew 7:17 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

The ladies

When it comes to girls (and women someday), honor the ones in your life. Treat them with respect, dignity, and equality. For the female company you keep, seek companionship with fellow Christ followers, and let Christ be at the center of any romantic relationship you form. Don’t gossip, especially about your romantic interests. Words can be weapons.  Once you pull a gun’s trigger you can’t stop the bullet. Once a word leaves your mouth you can never take it back. Let the words you speak honor the girls and women in your life. 

Marriage

You are likely to fall deeply in love someday and perhaps this love will lead to marriage. So how does marriage work? First, remember these God inspired word from the Apostle Paul:

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Wait a minute.  It sounds like love is hard work—and indeed it is.  True love requires you to love someone more than you love yourself. Marriage is a contract between you, your prospective spouse, and God. Marriage requires a lot of work. Never enter into a contract you don’t understand or one that you have doubts about your ability to keep the terms.  In God’s eyes, marriage is for life. Jesus loved the church sacrificially. Work hard to model your marriage after Christ’s love of the church. He gave His all for her!

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.  

Honor your wife. Talk with her.  Listen to what she says.  Share your innermost thoughts with her—your concerns, struggles, fears, hopes, and dreams. Make sure to tell her how much you love her and tell her frequently.

Work

Aside from sleeping, work will probably occupy more hours of your life than anything else. Some people absolutely love their work, but for many it’s little more than a way to pay the bills. If you love your work, praise God. If you don’t, endeavor to work with enthusiasm so those who observe might see the evidence of Jesus in your life. Accepting a job means submitting to the authority of those placed over you.  Learn to work within this system.   Along the way you’ll probably have bosses you don’t like.  Learn to respect the position, if not the individual.

Absent but not gone

In closing I want to remind you that I may be absent from your house, but I’m not gone.  I’m as close as a Facetime, phone call, email, or text. I want to be a part of your lives and look forward seeing you become men. For as long as I live, I will be here for you.

Love,

Papaw

So thankful

Our nation has endured an extraordinary series of natural disasters over the past few months, including hurricanes, tornados, torrential rains, devastating floods, and enormous wildfires. If you’ve tuned in to the evening news lately you’ve probably seen disaster victims who have lost nearly all of their material possessions. Despite suffering tremendously, many of these people express gratitude for the simple fact that they are alive and still have their family and friends. They get it!

As I grow older, the things that truly matter in my life have become crystal clear. These are Faith, Family, Friends, and Freedom. I call them the 4Fs and I’ve written about them several times over the decade that I’ve written this blog. 

Today, as we mark the annual Thanksgiving holiday, I’m offering a special thanks for my friends. I’ve heard it said that families are issued to you, but you choose your friends. This is just one of the many things that makes true friends so special.

So, what is a true friend?  I don’t have all the answers, but here are some characteristics of my true friends that I’ve observed over the years:

  • They are there for you when others walk away.
  • They meet you where you are, warts, wrinkles, and all.
  • They are forgiving.
  • They will make time for you, even when they haven’t the time to spare.
  • They expect nothing in return and do not keep score.
  • They are good listeners.
  • They respect confidentiality.
  • They tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.
  • They say, “Wow, you really made a mess of this! Now how can I help you fix it?”
  • They walk beside you in the demon filled valleys, propping you up.
  • They are at their best when you are at your worst.

A number of my dear friends are currently struggling with serious life challenges. These include the early onset of dementia, the death of a spouse, a spouse developing dementia, a spouse with cancer, a child abusing alcohol, and a child suffering with seizures. The longer one lives the more frequently such challenges seem to occur. So now I lift them up to the Lord.

Lord, hear my prayer.  Father God, I pray for my friends who are struggling.  I pray that you will grant them mercy and peace. You know exactly what they need at this moment. Draw near to them and let them feel your presence. Open their eyes, ears, and hearts to you. Protect them from the attacks of the evil one and shelter them in your loving arms.  I pray this in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit.  Amen.  

Sirach 6:14-16 (RSV)

Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter:
    whoever finds one has found a treasure.
Faithful friends are beyond price;
    no amount can balance their worth.
Faithful friends are life-saving medicine;
    and those who fear the Lord will find them.

Walking alongside a friend

During this church season of Advent, Christians anxiously await the celebration of Jesus’ birth. We commemorate His arrival in this world on December 25, the Feast of the Nativity of Our Lord Jesus Christ.

As we await the arrival of the Christ child, my wife and I recently said goodbye to a departing friend who moved to another state to be near family. I’ll call him John for the sake of privacy. John was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) about two years ago, but has displayed ASD symptoms most of his life. According to the Centers for Disease Control, an estimated 5,437,988 (2.21%) adults in the United States have ASD.

For the past three and a half years my wife and I walked alongside John, providing him companionship, counsel, and a small lifeboat to climb into during frequent storms he encountered. John first came into our lives by means of our church. One day our priest asked us if we would be willing to help a single man who had recently arrived in our community. We said yes without really knowing what to expect. I share the details below not to glorify my wife and me; give all the glory to God! I share this to make a point which I’ve discussed before—being a follower of Jesus Christ can be messy.

We answered 2 a.m. phone calls so John could rant about whatever was bothering him at the time. We shared meals with him and checked periodically on his welfare and the state of his small apartment. We tried to help smooth the situation when John irritated his neighbors. We helped him move to a new apartment.

We drove him to appointments and to help him tend to his local business affairs when something needed fixing. We provided in-person support when John’ family could not contact him because his phone was (frequently) broken or lost, or when he was simply not answering calls or emails. 

We invested many conversations with some of his family members who are active stakeholders in John’s life–over lunch, dinner, coffee, phone calls, and Zoom meetings. We supported John and these same family members during the complex endeavor to have him evaluated for ASD. We coordinated the dedication of funds from our church’s rummage sale to help defer the costs of the evaluation; printed forms and obtained John’s signatures; and prayed for the process.  We coordinated with our church members to provide overnight accommodations for John’s family members when they periodically visited the area to check on his welfare.

Walking with John was not easy, but it was very spiritually rewarding and has made us three new friends, including John and two very special members of his family—they know who I mean. As we anxiously await the Feast of the Nativity and the celebration of the Christ child’s birth, Christians should recall that following Christ can get messy—Just read the book of Acts and see. 

In June, 2019 I published a blog piece titled “Messy Christianity.”  I invite the readers to read it again or discover it for the first time. https://divine-simplicity.com/2019/06/08/messy-christianity/

I wish you all a very blessed Christmas and a prosperous New Year. –Zack

Now thank we all our God*

Harvest moon near Sioux Falls, South Dakota

Thanksgiving Day 2023 – Pause for a moment today and thank God for all His blessings!

1. Now thank we all our God
with heart and hands and voices,
who wondrous things has done,
in whom God’s world rejoices,
who from our mother’s arms
has blessed us on our way
with countless gifts of love,
and still is ours today.

2. Oh may this bounteous God
through all our life be near us,
with ever joyful hearts
and blessed peace to cheer us,
and keep us all with grace,
and guide us when perplexed,
and free us from all ills
in this world and the next.

3. All praise and thanks to God
who reigns in highest heaven,
the Father and the Son
and Spirit now be given,
the one eternal God,
whom heaven and earth adore,
for thus it was, is now
and shall be evermore.

*Nun danket alle Gott (Now thank we all our God), BWV 192 is a church cantata composed by Johann Sebastian Bach in 1730. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quYd7qJzsAE

Heavenly homes

“You can’t take it with you” is an adage often used in discussions surrounding money and death. Similarly, if you’ve been a church going Christian for a while, you might have heard a preacher say something akin to, “You never seen a hearse pulling a U-Haul trailer.” Well, perhaps the person in the photo never got the word, but the spirit of the idea remains valid. Naked we were born and naked we will stand before God’s judgement seat after we depart this world.

I recently heard a sermon where the preacher suggested that maybe there is something we can take with us when we die—souls. By this, he meant that in heaven we will see the one’s we’ve led to faith in Jesus Christ. I believe the preacher got it right. In death, we can take something with us after all.

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 1 John 4:11

God has surrounded each of us with people we ought to love and want to take to heaven with us—family, loved ones, friends and other acquaintances. This got me thinking about how can we make our homes a little more heaven-like for our children.

I accepted Christ as my Savior when I was eight years old. For the next 10 years I did my best to follow Him as I was able. Then came college, where I drifted away from the church. I married just before graduating and continued my journey “in the wilderness” with my then non-Christian wife. 

My period of wandering away from Christ ended abruptly some seven years after it started.  It happened on the occasion of the birth of my wife’s and my first child. The first time I gazed at this tiny new human that God had gifted us was a wakeup call from the Holy Spirit. I literally heard, “she’s your responsibility.” I took this as a commission to raise our new daughter in a Christ-centered home. Like the Prodigal Son, I had come to my senses. My new insistence on raising the child in a Christian home came as a shock to my wife, but thanks be to God she slowly became a believer herself, as did our daughter.

Now I understand our greatest responsibility as Christian parents is to raise children who are Christ followers. How to go about that differs from family to family.  As Christian author and radio host Susie Larson has written, “Refuse the temptation to form your children into your own image.  They are the handiwork of God. He will show you how to love them, lead them and pray for them.” My advice would be that you should make decisions for your children based on Godly principles. You need search no farther than the Holy Bible to find sound child rearing instruction.

For many Christian homes, the concept of Sunday as the Sabbath has fallen by the wayside.  Sundays have become days for children’s sports league competitions, watching NFL football games, doing household chores, and almost anything but worshiping our Creator. The fast-paced life found in many modern-day households is a challenge to living Christ-centered lives. Observing the Sabbath establishes the perfection conditions for enjoying the Christ-centered, fellowship that God desires for each of our families.

Be forewarned! Deciding to create a “heavenly” home environment, one that is Christ-focused, won’t come without a price. It’s almost certain to create conflict. This can be extremely challenging, as those we love the most are often the ones who hurt us the worst. Fortunately, God has given us the perfect example of forgiveness in Jesus Christ. God so loves us that he forgave all of our sins through the death and glorious resurrection of his beloved Son. The pathway to building heavenly homes begins and ends with the Son.

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old, they will not turn from it. –Proverbs 22:6

*All Bible quotes are NIV

The Steadfast Disciples

Samaritan woman and the living well

Women serving in church clergy has been a hot topic in the news of late. This is driven by the Southern Baptist Convention’s decision last month to uphold the expulsion of two member churches with female pastors—paving the way to speculation that many more could follow. The churches were Saddleback Church in southern California, and Fern Creek Baptist Church in Louisville, KY. The former is a megachurch, reportedly the largest church in California, that is widely known for its popular cofounder, pastor Rick Warren.  Warren authored the bestselling book The Purpose Driven Life.  Fern Creek Baptist Church has been led by Rev. Linda Barnes Popham for 30 years.

Galatians 3:27-28  …for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. (NIV)

My aim in writing this piece is not to argue for or against women in the clergy.  I will, however, note that women have historically been an important part of the Christian church from its beginning and they remain so today. 

The Gospels and book of Acts identify many women who were actively involved in the Lord’s ministry.   At the time of Jesus earthly ministry, the Jews regarded a disciple as one who followed the teachings and lifestyle of a particular Jewish rabbi (teacher). Listed below are some notable women followers of Christ.  I believe all can accurately be described as Christ’s disciples.

  • Mary Magdalene, or Mary of Magdala as she is sometimes called, is one of the most prominent female disciples of Jesus. She is mentioned as being present during Jesus’ crucifixion, burial, and resurrection. She is the first person to witness the risen Jesus and was commanded by Him to tell Jesus’ apostles, His innermost circle of disciples, about Jesus’ resurrection (John 20:1-18). Mary Magdalene is mentioned in all four Gospels (Matthew 27:56, 61; 28:1; Mark 15:40, 47; 16:1-11; Luke 8:2; 24:10; John 19:25; 20:1-18).
  • Mary, the mother of Jesus: Although not specifically referred to as a disciple, Jesus’ mother, played a significant role in His life and ministry. She is present at various moments in the Gospels, including the wedding at Cana (John 2:1-12) and at the crucifixion (John 19:25-27).
  • Samaritan woman by the well – (John 4:1-42). As told in the Gospel of John, Jesus, on a journey through Samaria, stops at a well where he meets a Samaritan woman drawing water. Despite cultural and religious differences, He has a conversation with her, violating Jewish social norms, and revealing His total knowledge of her life. He offers her living water, a metaphor for salvation and eternal life. She recognized Jesus as the Messiah and might even be described as an early evangelist. John 4:30 says, “Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony.”
  • Joanna: Joanna is mentioned in Luke 8:1-3 as a woman who accompanied Jesus and the 12 Apostles, providing financial support for their ministry. She is described as the wife of Chuza, Herod’s household manager.
  • Susanna: Susanna is mentioned along with Joanna in Luke 8:1-3 as one of the women who supported Jesus and the disciples in their ministry. However, little else is known about her.
  • Salome: Salome is mentioned in Mark 15:40 as one of the women who witnessed Jesus’ crucifixion. She is also mentioned as being present during Jesus’ burial and is among the women who discovered the empty tomb (Mark 16:1).
  • Martha and Mary: Martha and Mary are sisters mentioned in Luke 10:38-42 and John 11:1-44. They, along with their brother Lazarus whom Jesus raised from the dead, were close friends of Jesus; He frequented their home in Bethany. Martha is depicted as a diligent worker busy with serving others, while Mary is seen as a devoted listener to Jesus’ teachings.
  • Tabitha (also known by her Greek name Dorcas):  Tabitha lived in the town of Joppa by the sea. She is described as a faithful disciple of Jesus who went around doing good and helping the poor.   The Apostle Peter raised Tabitha from the dead after she suddenly fell ill and died (Acts 9: 36-42).

These are just a few examples of women who can rightly be called disciples of Jesus. Their roles varied, but they were actively involved in Jesus’ ministry and played important roles in helping spread the Gospel.

Looking at the roles played by the women above led me reflect on and give thanks for several key women in my family who significantly shaped my personal Christian formation. I was born in the Appalachian Mountains of southeastern Kentucky. My father and most of my uncles were World War II veterans. For the most part, mountain men worked while women stayed home to raise kids and manage the household. It was a maternally-centered culture. All the ladies below played instrumental roles in raising me.

Granny Myrtle: my maternal grandmother was born in 1900 in southwestern Virginia, near the town of Rose Hill. She had an 8th grade education which was typical for the time and place she was born. A Southern Baptist, Granny was a Bible scholar and memorized hundreds of Bible passages. She read me Bible stories at bedtime and taught me to pray. She cared for me in her home during school summer recess. She loved to witness for Christ and helped lead many people to accept Jesus as their personal savior, including me.

Mother Phyllis: my mother was born in Wallins Creek, Kentucky, a small town deep in the Appalachian Mountains. Her family lived in a large beautiful log home by a creek. She and my father Jack divorced when I was six years old. Following the divorce, mom worked as a nurse’s aide and put herself through night classes at the University of Louisville, eventually earning certification as a medical technician and landing a good job in the Veterans Administration medical system. She taught me the importance of worshipping regularly and ensured that I attended Sunday school, worship services on Sunday mornings and evenings, prayer meetings on Wednesday evenings, and Vacation Bible School in the summer. She lived a life of selfless sacrifice, ensuring our basic needs for food, clothing and shelter were always met, no matter how hard she had to work.   

Aunt Sarah: my mother’s sister Aunt Sarah was always there for me, along with her husband, Uncle Carl. Their home was a second home to me and a place of refuge at times when my working mother wasn’t available to solve my “crisis du jour.” Aunt Sarah had three miscarriages and was never able to have children of her own, but she mothered me continually.  She took me to church and told me Bible stories. She gifted me a plane ride on my 8th birthday—it was my first. Aunt Sarah suffered from multiple sclerosis for over 60 years, but I never heard her complain about it. She taught me love of family.

Aunt Betty: my mother’s sister, Aunt Betty lived in a small town in northern Alabama together with Uncle John and my cousins John III, David, and Philip. Philip and I were only a year apart in age. We fished, swam, biked, and played games together. Over a period of about six years, I visited every summer, staying 2-4 weeks. Having me there during school summer recess was a great help to my divorced, working mother. Aunt Betty was a stern but loving disciplinarian who ran a tight ship. She made sure the family went to church on Sundays. She taught us cousins to make our beds, dust our rooms, clean our shoes, clear dishes from the dinner table. Moreover, she taught us self-discipline, something that was invaluable during my military career.  

Wife Linda: Linda and I met in college in Munich, Germany, exactly 50 years ago next month. I was just shy of my 18th birthday.   We’ve been together ever since. She never ceases to amaze me. Throughout my 24-year military career, she was my strong right arm and remains so today. Linda is a powerful example of faith and peace in the midst of spiritual storms. She is a fountain of generosity and has a servant’s heart. She is blessed with an abundance of common sense and the gift of discernment. I thank God for bringing us together. (Proverbs 31:10-31)

All these women had several traits in common, including a love of God, a daily walk with Jesus, and an unconditional, steadfast love for me. By the grace of God, the man I am today is due, in large part, to the love, teaching, and care I received from these steadfast disciples of Christ. I couldn’t have made it this far without them.

“…nor is there male or female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

Note: I used ChatGPT AI to research some of the Bible passages mentioned in this piece. I typically use BibleGateway. The AI was much faster, but I can’t vouch for its accuracy.

Give thanks to God

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.  –Psalm 107:1*

Recently I’ve been pondering what it means to give thanks to God. The Bible is full of examples of thanksgiving being lifted up to the Lord.  After giving it much thought, I’ve come to several conclusions. First and foremost, thanking God is my way of acknowledging His supreme authority and position in my life.  God gave me life! Everything that is good in my life is a gift from Him.

I will praise God’s name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving. –Psalm 69:30

Second, there are multiple ways to give thanks to God.  These include praying; through the written, recorded and spoken work; in song; in giving of one’s time and treasure; and in prayerfully doing good works for others with no motive other than serving God. I write this blog as a thank offering to God. There are many other ways of thanking God that area not listed here. It occurs to me that we can thank God in almost any situation we encounter throughout the day. Continually thanking God can help one remain cognizant of God’s endless presence in his or her life.

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.  –I Thessalonians 5:16-18

Third, we are to thank God in all circumstances, both the easy times, the difficult ones and those in between.  In Philippians 4, the Apostle Paul tells us he has learned to be content whatever his circumstances. This is a tough one. In my lifetime I’ve had some real tragedies. When tragedy strikes, it is particularly difficult to discern any good at the time.  Over the years I’ve learned to pray to God for strength to get me though the difficulties and to give me wisdom to understand.  While it was difficult to discern the good at the time, in retrospect each difficult period of my life was a time of learning and spiritual growth that helped prepare me for God’s eternal kingdom.   

Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!  –2 Corinthians 9:15

Finally, give thanks to the lord for his grace in offering us salvation through Jesus Christ.

Doxology

I thank you, God, for your grace, the gift of life and my salvation through Jesus Christ.  Thank you for the Godly women who helped lead me to the Savior in my childhood. Thank you for loving aunts, uncles, and grandparents who helped raise and care for me after my parents divorced. Thank you for the churches and teachers who helped nurture and train me along the way. Thank you for giving me a godly wife to share my life with. Thank you for my children and grandchildren who bring joy to my life. Thank you for friends and family who have added richness to my life. Thank you for protecting and shielding me during times of trouble. Thank you for the work that enables me to sustain my family. Thank you for this day and all my days to come. Thanks be to God!

Now thank we all our God, with heart and hands and voices,

Who wondrous things has done, in Whom this world rejoices;

Who from our mothers’ arms has blessed us on our way,

With countless gifts of love, and still is ours today. 

Hymn – Now Thank We All Our God:

*All Bible quotes are NIV.

Enduring truths for recent graduates

Across the country it’s graduation time. Here in South Dakota many schools have already closed for the summer. Most of those that remain open will close in the coming days. Everywhere one turns there’s another grad party. What awaits all these new grads? A decade ago I wrote an article  for my newspaper column with some advice for recent graduates. While it was aimed at high school graduates, it is also highly relevant to recent college grads. The article has become one of the most popular pieces I ever wrote. I’ve received hundreds of emails thanking me for taking the time to share it.  Therefore, I decided to  republish it annually around graduation time.  I hope some of you might find it useful.  You can view the original article in the Tribune-Democrat news at this link: http://goo.gl/LtN72

For those who are graduating high school this year and beginning the long transition into adulthood, I’d like to offer you a gift. Here are five enduring truths I have learned. They will help you through life’s journey.

Choices

“If you decide to just go with the flow, you’ll end up where the flow goes, which is usually downhill, often leading to a big pile of sludge and a life of unhappiness. You’ll end up doing what everyone else is doing.” ― Sean Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens

 Life will deal you an endless string of choices along the way.  Some will be trivial, like deciding what to wear today.  Others will be weighty and their outcomes will affect you forever.  Weighty decisions should always be preceded by much thought and soul searching.  This includes decisions about who you date or marry, what you put into your body, bringing children into the world, what you do for a living, how much debt you incur and who you associate with.

All of these decisions will have a lasting effect on your life. Therefore, make them slowly and deliberately. Often you’ll discover that the right choice is not the easiest one.  A habit of making poor choices will, as the Sean Covey quote suggests, drag your life downhill.

I was recently contacted by a young man who had just received a bad conduct discharge from the Navy.  He asked me how the discharge would impact his future employability.  His mistake was choosing to drive a car while intoxicated and hitting a pedestrian. Fortunately, the victim wasn’t seriously injured. Had it been otherwise, the young sailor would probably be in prison.  It was my sad responsibility to inform him that with some employers the discharge would be a black mark for life. Choices matter!

 Learning

“Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards.”    ―Vernon Saunders Law, former professional baseball pitcher and Cy Young Award winner

Some of you will go on to college or technical school.  Others will enter the workforce.  Even if your formal education is over, don’t quit learning. Make learning a lifelong adventure.  I did my undergraduate work at the University of Kentucky.  The school offers a fellowship program for individuals aged 65 and older to attend classes tuition free. Every year numerous senior citizens walk the stage to receive degrees ranging from Associate of Arts to Doctor of Philosophy.  It’s never too late to learn.

Even if you don’t choose to continue formal learning, make it point to learn from life. Observe others; note their successes and failures; then learn from their experiences.  More importantly, learn from your own mistakes.

Some of the greatest lessons I’ve learned, particularly those while serving in uniform, were the result of having made a terrible mistake.  This sort of lesson sticks, like the first time you grab the handle of a hot iron skillet with your bare hand.  The key to learning from mistakes is owning them.  Admit your mistakes and then move on, having learned something from the experience.  Don’t let, “It wasn’t my fault,” be part of your vocabulary.

 Work

“A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work.”  ―Colin Powell, retired U.S. Army four-star general and former U.S. Secretary of State

Work isn’t always fun. If it were, they’d call it play.  Work can be downright unpleasant, but it’s an essential element of life! Along the way you’re going to have jobs you won’t like. Note what you don’t like and make it a point to improve yourself, so you’ll never again have to work at such a job.

Accepting a job means submitting to the authority of those placed over you.  Learn to work within this system.   You’ll inevitably have bosses you don’t like.  Learn to respect the position, if not the individual.

Fairness

Life is not fair; get used to it.” ―Bill Gates, founder and former CEO, Microsoft Corporation

You will hear much discussion about fairness in this life. It’s all hot air.  Life isn’t fair.  Some good people die young, while some bad people live a long life.   Disease sometimes strikes arbitrarily, for no apparent reason.  Some people prosper while others suffer failure. A death or accident can change your life forever.

There is randomness to life that can’t be avoided.  Don’t expect kindness to be returned with kindness.  Don’t expect generosity to be returned with generosity.  The best choice is to be fair and kind to others and learn to accept what they return to you.

A wise man named Harry Browne ran for president of the United States on the Libertarian Party ticket. On Christmas day in 1966, Browne wrote his young daughter a letter aptly titled, “A Gift for My Daughter.”  I encourage every graduating senior to read it and digest it. In the letter, he explains to his daughter that, “Nobody owes you anything.”  Understanding what Browne meant can truly bless you. You can find it here. https://independentpoliticalreport.com/2015/12/harry-brownes-christmas-letter-to-his-daughter/

Faith

“A faith is a necessity to a man. Woe to him who believes in nothing.”  ―Victor Hugo

I once had a senior Army officer tell me he preferred to work with men who possessed spiritual values, regardless of their religion.  He explained that having faith in a power higher than one’s self was an indicator of how one will perform under pressure; in this instance, the pressure meant combat.

Too many people place their faith in all the wrong places.  It might be in wealth, celebrity, good looks, talent, or even government.  Whatever the case, misplaced faith leads to disappointment after disappointment.

To avoid these disappointments, put your faith in God alone.  You, your loved ones and your friends will all inevitably let you down, but God will never fail you.

Growing old and grateful

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. –Proverbs 18:22*

*All bible quotes are NIV.

I’m old enough to get senior discounts in restaurants and movie theaters, and AARP rates on hotel rooms. These are all good, but one of the greatest benefits of getting older is that I’ve developed a clearer understanding of what really matters in my life. When I was young, most of my attention was focused inwardly, which I suppose if fairly normal. 

I was commissioned a second lieutenant in the U.S. Army in May 1977, at the tender age of 21. Fresh out of college and newly married, I loved the excitement of a soldier’s life.  I loved the comradery and having fun with friends. I also enjoyed playing all kinds of sports and outdoor recreation like skiing and cycling. Sadly, there were many things I neglected during this phase of my life. One of these was my sweet wife.

As I grew a bit older, I began to pay more attention to the incredible woman I married. I grew to realize that Linda’s physical beauty was exceeded by even greater inner beauty. I grew to admire her patience—especially with me and my antics—and her fortitude.  When she sets her mind on something, it’s going to get done.  I also began to comprehend how wise Linda is—blessed with more common sense than anyone I’ve ever known. She is also blessed with the gift of spiritual discernment. On top of all this, Linda is one of the humblest and most generous people I’ve ever known.

For me, having our first child was a wake-up call greater than any drill instructor ever delivered to a barracks full of sleepy-eyed soldiers.  It was one of those ‘blinding glimpse of the obvious’ moments when selfish me suddenly realized I’m responsible for more than just myself.  While a wife is easily neglected, a screaming newborn is an entirely different matter.  Sad that I didn’t figure this out earlier!

My newfound sense of responsibility led me back to the Church, something I’d managed to neglect since the time I entered college some seven years earlier. This sudden change of direction came as quite a surprise to my then, non-Christian wife.  Thankfully, she was eventually steered towards God. Sadly, it happened without much help on my part.  Thank you, Holy Spirit!

Over the course of my 24-year Army career there were many long deployments and other periods away from home.  During these busy years Linda faithfully kept the home fires burning, managing a busy household and doing the lion’s share of parenting our two daughters. My military travels around the world helped me develop a deep appreciation for the blessings we enjoy as Americans—something that many of us simply don’t recognize.

Fast forward to the present and I feel blessed. I thank God daily for my family, friends, freedom, and faith.  Linda and I are reaping the benefits of having honored our marriage vows all these years; we recently celebrated our 45th wedding anniversary. Our amazing daughters are both grown and successful; we have a wonderful son-in-law who is a pastor; and we’ve been blessed with three delightful grandsons. We’re fortunate to be able to see our grandsons daily. We have loving, extended families living in diverse locations around the world. We’ve made many lifelong friends along the way, all of whom have blessed and enriched our lives. Most of all, we’ve been blessed by a loving God who was willing to sacrifice His only Son to redeem our souls.

Proverbs 31:10b-31

[b]A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
    and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
    bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
    she provides food for her family
    and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
    and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
    and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
    and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
    and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Enduring Truths for Recent Graduates

Eight years ago I wrote an article  for my newspaper column with some advice for recent grads.  It has become one of the most popular pieces I ever wrote. I’ve received hundreds of emails thanking me for writing it.  Therefore, I decided to  republish it annually around graduation time.  I hope some of you might find it useful.  You can view the original article in the Tribune-Democrat news at this link: http://goo.gl/LtN72

For those who are graduating high school this year and beginning the long transition into adulthood, I’d like to offer you a gift. Here are five enduring truths I have learned. They will help you through life’s journey.

Choices

“If you decide to just go with the flow, you’ll end up where the flow goes, which is usually downhill, often leading to a big pile of sludge and a life of unhappiness. You’ll end up doing what everyone else is doing.” ― Sean Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens

 Life will deal you an endless string of choices along the way.  Some will be trivial, like deciding what to wear today.  Others will be weighty and their outcomes will affect you forever.  Weighty decisions should always be preceded by much thought and soul searching.  This includes decisions about who you date or marry, what you put into your body, bringing children into the world, what you do for a living, how much debt you incur and who you associate with.

All of these decisions will have a lasting effect on your life. Therefore, make them slowly and deliberately. Often you’ll discover that the right choice is not the easiest one.  A habit of making poor choices will, as the Sean Covey quote suggests, drag your life downhill.

I was recently contacted by a young man who had just received a bad conduct discharge from the Navy.  He asked me how the discharge would impact his future employability.  His mistake was choosing to drive a car while intoxicated and hitting a pedestrian. Fortunately, the victim wasn’t seriously injured. Had it been otherwise, the young sailor would probably be in prison.  It was my sad responsibility to inform him that with some employers the discharge would be a black mark for life. Choices matter!

Learning

“Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards.”    ―Vernon Saunders Law, former professional baseball pitcher and Cy Young Award winner

Some of you will go on to college or technical school.  Others will enter the workforce.  Even if your formal education is over, don’t quit learning. Make learning a lifelong adventure.  I did my undergraduate work at the University of Kentucky.  The school offers a fellowship program for individuals aged 65 and older to attend classes tuition free. Every year numerous senior citizens walk the stage to receive degrees ranging from Associate of Arts to Doctor of Philosophy.  It’s never too late to learn.

Even if you don’t choose to continue formal learning, make it point to learn from life. Observe others; note their successes and failures; then learn from their experiences.  More importantly, learn from your own mistakes.

Some of the greatest lessons I’ve learned, particularly those while serving in uniform, were the result of having made a terrible mistake.  This sort of lesson sticks, like the first time you grab the handle of a hot iron skillet with your bare hand.  The key to learning from mistakes is owning them.  Admit your mistakes and then move on, having learned something from the experience.  Don’t let, “It wasn’t my fault,” be part of your vocabulary.

Work

“A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work.”  ―Colin Powell, retired U.S. Army four-star general and former U.S. Secretary of State

Work isn’t always fun. If it were, they’d call it play.  Work can be downright unpleasant, but it’s an essential element of life! Along the way you’re going to have jobs you won’t like. Note what you don’t like and make it a point to improve yourself, so you’ll never again have to work at such a job.

Accepting a job means submitting to the authority of those placed over you.  Learn to work within this system.   You’ll inevitably have bosses you don’t like.  Learn to respect the position, if not the individual.

Fairness

“Life is not fair; get used to it.” ―Bill Gates, founder and former CEO, Microsoft Corporation

You will hear much discussion about fairness in this life. It’s all hot air.  Life isn’t fair.  Some good people die young, while some bad people live a long life.   Disease sometimes strikes arbitrarily, for no apparent reason.  Some people prosper while others suffer failure. A death or accident can change your life forever.

There is randomness to life that can’t be avoided.  Don’t expect kindness to be returned with kindness.  Don’t expect generosity to be returned with generosity.  The best choice is to be fair and kind to others and learn to accept what they return to you.

A wise man named Harry Browne ran for president of the United States on the Libertarian Party ticket. On Christmas day in 1966, Browne wrote his young daughter a letter aptly titled, “A Gift for My Daughter.”  I encourage every graduating senior to read it and digest it. In the letter, he explains to his daughter that, “Nobody owes you anything.”  Understanding what Browne meant can truly bless you. You can find it at: https://tenthamendmentcenter.com/2009/12/22/a-gift-for-my-daughter/ 

Faith

“A faith is a necessity to a man. Woe to him who believes in nothing.”  ―Victor Hugo

I once had a senior Army officer tell me he preferred to work with men who possessed spiritual values, regardless of their religion.  He explained that having faith in a power higher than one’s self was an indicator of how one will perform under pressure; in this instance, the pressure meant combat.

Too many people place their faith in all the wrong places.  It might be in wealth, celebrity, good looks, talent, or even government.  Whatever the case, misplaced faith leads to disappointment after disappointment.

To avoid these disappointments, put your faith in God alone.  You, your loved ones and your friends will all inevitably let you down, but God will never fail you.