Archive for the ‘advice’ Category

I’m Tired of Waiting

Clocks - end time

Patience is in short supply in America today. We live in a culture of instant gratification, taught by the media that we needn’t wait for anything. We buy new computers that will load a web page a second or two faster than the previous model. We impatiently pace while the microwave heats a dish in 60 seconds that would have taken 20 minutes in a conventional oven. We buy with credit cards before we earn the money to pay for the things we want. We type text messages on our cell phones while driving our cars. We pound our fists waiting for the traffic signal to turn green so we can hurry to our next destination.

For the unemployed, patience is one of the first virtues to be tested. In today’s economy, it doesn’t take one long to figure out that even though he or she might be highly qualified, it takes time—sometimes many months—to find a new job. It’s best to approach a job search like a marathon, not a sprint. Slow and steady is the key to success. Patience is essential—never give up!

Fortunately, God is extraordinarily patient and doesn’t give up on us. Probably the greatest example of patience in the Bible is displayed in Jesus’ relationship with His apostles. Only a few hours before Jesus’ crucifixion, Peter, an eyewitness to the transfiguration, denied knowing him. Yet Peter became the “rock” upon which Jesus built his church here on Earth. Thomas, who had walked with Jesus and saw him perform many miracles, didn’t believe in the risen Lord until seeing the resurrected Jesus with his own eyes. Even after Jesus’ ascension into heaven, the apostles remained confused and didn’t fully understand what Jesus was really about until they received the Holy Spirit on the day of Pentecost.

During this season of Lent, make an effort to pray for patience and ask God to strengthen your faith. And don’t forget to thank Him for his patience with you!

Psalm 40 (NKJV), Faith Persevering in Trial:
I waited patiently for the LORD;
And He inclined to me,
And heard my cry.
2 He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,
Out of the miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps.
3 He has put a new song in my mouth—
Praise to our God;
Many will see it and fear,
And will trust in the LORD.
4 Blessed is that man who makes the LORD his trust,
And does not respect the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies.
5 Many, O LORD my God, are Your wonderful works
Which You have done;
And Your thoughts toward us
Cannot be recounted to You in order;
If I would declare and speak of them,
They are more than can be numbered.
6 Sacrifice and offering You did not desire;
My ears You have opened.
Burnt offering and sin offering You did not require.
7 Then I said, “Behold, I come;
In the scroll of the book it is written of me.
8 I delight to do Your will, O my God,
And Your law is within my heart.”
9 I have proclaimed the good news of righteousness
In the great assembly;
Indeed, I do not restrain my lips,
O LORD, You Yourself know.
10 I have not hidden Your righteousness within my heart;
I have declared Your faithfulness and Your salvation;
I have not concealed Your lovingkindness and Your truth
From the great assembly.
11 Do not withhold Your tender mercies from me, O LORD;
Let Your lovingkindness and Your truth continually preserve me.
12 For innumerable evils have surrounded me;
My iniquities have overtaken me, so that I am not able to look up;
They are more than the hairs of my head;
Therefore my heart fails me.
13 Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me;
O LORD, make haste to help me!
14 Let them be ashamed and brought to mutual confusion
Who seek to destroy my life;
Let them be driven backward and brought to dishonor
Who wish me evil.
15 Let them be confounded because of their shame,
Who say to me, “Aha, aha!”
16 Let all those who seek You rejoice and be glad in You;
Let such as love Your salvation say continually,
“The LORD be magnified!”
17 But I am poor and needy;
Yet the LORD thinks upon me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
Do not delay, O my God.

Today’s Lenten Prayer:
Teach me, my Lord, to be sweet and gentle in all the events of my life, in disappointments, in the thoughtlessness of others, in the insincerity of those I trusted, in the unfaithfulness of those on whom I relied. Let me forget myself so that I may enjoy the happiness of others. Let me always hide my little pains and heartaches so that I may be the only one to suffer from them. Teach me to profit by the suffering that comes across my path. Let me so use it that it may mellow me, not harden or embitter me; that it may make me patient, not irritable; that it may make me broad in my forgiveness, not narrow or proud or overbearing. May no one be less good for having come within my influence; no one less pure, less true, less kind, less noble, for having been a fellow traveler with me on our journey towards eternal life. As I meet with one cross after another, let me whisper a word of love to You. May my life be lived in the supernatural, full of power for good, and strong in its purpose of sanctity. Amen.

Today’s Reading: James 1:2-8 Profiting through Trials
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=James 1:2-8&version=NKJV

I’m Sick of This

Hospital Corridor

For many Americans, one of the scariest things about being unemployed is the looming threat of the loss of health care.   While many western nations have guaranteed health care to all of their citizens, the United States lags far behind in this area.  According to one study, as many as 75% of unemployed Americans have no or inadequate health care coverage.  Philippians 4:6-7 (NKJV) tells us, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;  and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

God doesn’t promise us good health, but he does promise to give us the strength to carry us through any situation, including health problems.   During your Lenten journey, through prayer and fasting, place your cares on the altar of God and leave the rest to him.  Do not be afraid…He will give you the inner strength to sustain you in any situation.   As the apostle Paul tells us, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  (Philippians 4:13, NKJV)

Psalm 23, the Shepherd Psalm:

The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. (NKJV)

Today’s Lenten Prayer

Dear God, in his public ministry Jesus healed the sick and cured many of diseases. We pray for your compassion on the sick and also for their friends and loved ones who are anxious and worried about them.  We pray for the unemployed and others in our nation lacking basic health and dental care. We pray for those who receive inadequate treatment for their illnesses and injuries or have suffered financially from their health problems. We pray for all believers who are health care providers, recognizing that their careers serve their faith. May the conscience of all health care professionals and all health care institutions be reminded of the sacredness of human life. We ask this through Our Lord Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God

Today’s Reading: Luke 17:11-17  Jesus Heals Ten Lepers

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke%2017:11-17&version=NKJV

Don’t worry away the blessings of today!

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In every life we have some trouble,

                      When you worry you make it double,               

Don’t worry, be happy. 

Lyrics from “Don’t worry be happy” by Bobby McFerrin 

The Psalms tell us, “This is the day the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.” (118:24). Well, this is a cold day in Pittsburgh.  No—on second thought it’s freezing.  When I awoke this morning it was a frigid one degree above zero and quite windy, driving the wind chill well below zero.  As I worked through my morning devotional I remembered to thank God that I was warm and snug inside my home.  By midday it had already reached the predicted high, a sweltering 12 degrees.

I’m unemployed and looking hard for a good job these days, so I spend a lot of time at my computer.  Today as I sat working on the laptop in my home office, I found myself spending long periods just staring out the window at the beautiful snow-covered woods before me.  I couldn’t help but marvel at the amount of activity outside.

Birds were fluttering about despite the brutal weather. I keep my copy of the Peterson Field Guide® for Eastern Birds nearby. With it, I was able to identify cardinals, blue jays, robins (weird for winter), wrens, house finches, creepers, titmice, chickadees, and at least three kinds of woodpeckers.  Watching so many birds going about their business despite the difficulties presented by the harsh weather was inspiring.  It made me recall the scripture:

“Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?  Matthew 6:25-34 (NKJV)

I belong to a faith-based job networking group where there are lots of unemployed folks like me. For the unemployed, it’s easy to become overwhelmed with worry. Yet worrying about what might be tomorrow strips the joy from what is today. I find it helpful each day to review the inventory of the things I have to be thankful for.  Faith, family, and friends are always at the top of my list—blessings that unemployment can never take away and for which I will always be thankful.   

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, faith looks up.” Being unemployed can be one of the greatest tests of faith a Christian will ever endure.  Each time you find worry creeping into your thoughts, turn it into an opportunity for prayer.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.  Philippians 4:6 (NKJV)

Pray for Sandy Hook and More

Jesus Praying - Dec 2012

“The world as God designed it was the best of all possible worlds, but it has now become the worst of all possible worlds; in fact, the Bible reveals that it could not be any worse than it is.  Individual men who take the wrong line can get worse, but the world itself cannot get worse. Grief brings a man to see this more quickly than anything else and he longs for an umpire who will hold the scales.”  —Oswald Chambers

The recent shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary School have left the minds of many spinning—such horrific acts defy the human mind’s ability to understand.  We’ll probably never learn the shooter’s motive or understand the thoughts that were going through his head on that terrible day.

Watching friends and family of the victims being interviewed, it’s clear that many of them are experiencing difficulty simply trying to explain their feelings in the wake of the calamity.  They just can’t seem to find the words.  At times when others are hurting and we can’t seem to find the right words, good people everywhere ought to pray.

There’s no need to be eloquent in your prayers, just pause, get in touch with God and let the Spirit do the rest.  Romans 8:26 tells us, “…the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered” (NKJV).  Before  going to bed tonight take a minute to drop to your knees and lift up the families, friends and loved ones of all whose lives have been affected by the Sandy Hook tragedy.

While Sandy Hook might be foremost in our thoughts and prayers today, never forget that there are far more Americans elsewhere who are also suffering greatly.  For many Americans, 2013 promises only uncertainty and potential disaster.  I recently joined a local job networking group.  Although currently unemployed, I’m fortunate enough to be a military retiree with a dependable monthly paycheck and medical benefits.  Most in the group aren’t so lucky.  Many struggle to make a mortgage payment, others are facing looming homelessness and still others don’t even have enough money to pay for gas to drive to our networking meetings.

As Jesus tells us, we will always have the poor with us.  Unfortunately, there’s a new variety of the poor in America.  It’s composed of educated, middle class people who have worked for years and now find themselves struggling through long periods of unemployment.  The American middle class is shrinking while those living in poverty grows proportionately.

As our politicians bicker over taxes and spending, it appears that the federal emergency unemployment benefits that are currently in effect might be allowed to expire on December 31st.  This would place many more American families at risk.  Judging by the news, the politicians are nearly out of time and ideas as to how to reduce the massive national debt and get spending under control.  It’s time that we turned to God for ideas.

So while you’re on your knees tonight, don’t stop after saying a prayer for Sandy Hook.  Also ask God to help our nation by blessing our elected officials on both sides of the aisle and giving them the wisdom and courage to do what’s best for America in the coming year.

May you have a very merry Christmas and a blessed New Year!

Enduring Truths for Recent Grads

A couple of months ago I wrote a piece for my newspaper column with some advice for recent grads.  Several individuals have asked me to reprint the article in my blog, so here you go!  You can follow this link to a web version of the article.  http://goo.gl/LtN72

For those who are graduating high school this year and beginning the long transition into adulthood, I’d like to offer you a gift. Here are five enduring truths I’ve learned. They will help you through life’s journey.

Choices

“If you decide to just go with the flow, you’ll end up where the flow goes, which is usually downhill, often leading to a big pile of sludge and a life of unhappiness. You’ll end up doing what everyone else is doing.”
― Sean Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens

 Life will deal you an endless string of choices along the way.  Some will be trivial, like deciding what to wear today.  Others will be weighty and their outcomes will affect you forever.  Weighty decisions should always be preceded by much thought and soul searching.  This includes decisions about who you date or marry, what you put into your body, bringing children into the world, what you do for a living, how much debt you incur and who you associate with.

All of these decisions will have a lasting effect on your life. Therefore, make them slowly and deliberately. Often you’ll discover that the right choice is not the easiest one.  A habit of making poor choices will, as the Sean Covey quote suggests, drag your life downhill.

I was recently contacted by a young man who had just received a bad conduct discharge from the Navy.  He asked me how the discharge would impact his future employability.  His mistake was choosing to drive a car while intoxicated and hitting a pedestrian. Fortunately, the victim wasn’t seriously injured. Had it been otherwise, the young sailor would probably be in prison.  It was my sad responsibility to inform him that with some employers the discharge would be a black mark for life. Choices matter!

 Learning

“Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards.”    ―Vernon Saunders Law, former professional baseball pitcher and Cy Young Award winner

Some of you will go on to college or technical school.  Others will enter the workforce.  Even if your formal education is over, don’t quit learning. Make learning a lifelong adventure.  I did my undergraduate work at the University of Kentucky.  The school offers a fellowship program for individuals aged 65 and older to attend classes tuition free. Every year numerous senior citizens walk the stage to receive degrees ranging from Associate of Arts to Doctor of Philosophy.  It’s never too late to learn.

Even if you don’t choose to continue formal learning, make it point to learn from life. Observe others; note their successes and failures; then learn from their experiences.  More importantly, learn from your own mistakes.

Some of the greatest lessons I’ve learned, particularly those while serving in uniform, were the result of having made a terrible mistake.  This sort of lesson sticks, like the first time you grab the handle of a hot iron skillet with your bare hand.  The key to learning from mistakes is owning them.  Admit your mistakes and then move on, having learned something from the experience.  Don’t let, “It wasn’t my fault,” be part of your vocabulary.

 Work

“A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work.”
 ―Colin Powell, retired U.S. Army four-star general and former U.S. Secretary of State

Work isn’t always fun. If it were, they’d call it play.  Work can be downright unpleasant, but it’s an essential element of life! Along the way you’re going to have jobs you won’t like. Note what you don’t like and make it a point to improve yourself, so you’ll never again have to work at such a job.

Accepting a job means submitting to the authority of those placed over you.  Learn to work within this system.   You’ll inevitably have bosses you don’t like.  Learn to respect the position, if not the individual.

Fairness

“Life is not fair; get used to it.” ―Bill Gates, founder and former CEO, Microsoft Corporation

You will hear much discussion about fairness in this life. It’s all hot air.  Life isn’t fair.  Some good people die young, while some bad people live a long life.   Disease sometimes strikes arbitrarily, for no apparent reason.  Some people prosper while others suffer failure. A death or accident can change your life forever.

There is randomness to life that can’t be avoided.  Don’t expect kindness to be returned with kindness.  Don’t expect generosity to be returned with generosity.  The best choice is to be fair and kind to others and learn to accept what they return to you.

A wise man named Harry Browne ran for president of the United States on the Libertarian Party ticket. On Christmas day in 1966, Browne wrote his young daughter a letter aptly titled, “A Gift for My Daughter.”  I encourage every graduating senior to read it and digest it. In the letter, he explains to his daughter that, “Nobody owes you anything.”  Understanding what Browne meant can truly bless you. You can find it at:  www.harrybrowne.org/articles/GiftDaughter.htm.

Faith

“A faith is a necessity to a man. Woe to him who believes in nothing.”  ―Victor Hugo

I once had a senior Army officer tell me he preferred to work with men who possessed spiritual values, regardless of their religion.  He explained that having faith in a power higher than one’s self was an indicator of how one will perform under pressure; in this instance, the pressure meant combat.

Too many people place their faith in all the wrong places.  It might be in wealth, celebrity, good looks, talent, or even government.  Whatever the case, misplaced faith leads to disappointment after disappointment.

To avoid these disappointments, put your faith in God alone.  You, your loved ones and your friends will all inevitably let you down, but God will never fail you.

Wikipedia: D is the fourth letter in the basic modern Latin alphabet.

Things That Matter

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“Men, for the sake of getting a living, forget to live.”    —Margaret Fuller

Many things in life compete for one’s attention and time.  There rarely seems to be enough time in a day to address everything tugging at your life.   At work, at school or at home it seems that nobody ever attains that elusive state of existence we call being, “caught up.”  The fact is it’s never possible to be caught up.  As soon as you complete one “to do” list, you’ll find that another list has emerged to take its place.  Life in America is busy, in many instances even for retirees.

With all of the hustle and bustle, it’s quite easy to allow each day to blend in with the next.  The end result is we get caught up in routines that often result in our missing out on the things that really matter in our lives.  If you’ve seen Bill Murray’s movie “Groundhog Day,” you’ll get the picture.  Each day becomes a replay of the previous one, like being caught in an endless circle of the mundane.

The end product of such routines is missed events, missed occasions and missed opportunities.  Think about those things you most regret having missed out on in your life.  It might be a birthday, anniversary, wedding, baptism, funeral, recital, ball game, a move to a new location or job, or something entirely different.  Each of us has a list of personal regrets weighing on our respective souls. Sometimes the weight becomes too much to bear.

As a management consultant, one of my services entails helping people make the most of their time and other resources.  In order to do this, I recommend a reflective exercise called “imagine.”  It goes like this.  Imagine that today you learned you have three months to live.  Make a list of the things you’d like to do with your remaining time?

Many people playfully compile something called a bucket list—a list of things they’d like to do before they die (kick the bucket).  It usually includes a lot of exciting activities, like skydiving, climbing Mount Everest, traveling in outer space and other great adventures.  However, people who partake in the “imagine” exercise tend to be more serious in compiling their lists.

Common answers to the “imagine” exercise include spending more time with one’s family and loved ones, apologizing to someone you’ve offended, helping someone in need and spending more time in prayer and spiritual pursuits. “Working more” rarely appears on such lists! Doing the “imagine” exercise produces a list of the things that really matter in one’s life.

It’s useful for anyone to develop a personal list of the things that matter.  Life is short and our time and other resources are limited.  Knowing what matters in your life will help you be a good steward of your resources.

Colossians 3:23 tells us, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.”  I urge you to take time to reflect on what truly matters in your life and work heartily at being a good steward with the time and other resources you dedicate to the things that matter.  Concurrently, work earnestly to eliminate as many as possible of the distracting things that don’t really matter.

As the popular Johnny Mercer song goes, “You’ve got to accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative,
and latch on to the affirmative, don’t mess with Mister In-Between.  Just for grins, here’s a link to the original Johnny Mercer recording.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3jdbFOidds

Wikipedia: H is the eighth letter in the ISO basic Latin alphabet.

Simple Weddings

For the most part, I don’t like reality television shows.  At the top of my “don’t like” list is one called, Say Yes to the Dress.  In case you haven’t seen it, the show is about women selecting their wedding dresses.  It’s filmed in an upscale bridal salon where the customer is fawned over and treated like the “princess” she envisions herself being on the day of her dream wedding.

Each woman tries on a dozen or more dresses, which they parade in front of an entourage of friends and family who accompany them to the store.  The selection process is deliberate and agonizing.  Frequently, the bride-to-be to bursts into tears from the stress.  It’s not uncommon to see a customer spend two to three times more for a dress than she had budgeted for.  Dresses costing over $10,000 are common and some cost more than twice this amount.

In my opinion, the show trivializes marriage and even worse, it demeans women.  Many of the poor ladies come out of their dress buying ordeal looking like mental midgets and as emotionally distraught as a Chihuahua with its head stuck in an empty peanut butter jar.

If the bride-to-be’s family and friends would spend as much time and energy scrutinizing her future spouse as they do scrutinizing her choice of wedding dress, perhaps the divorce rate for first marriages in America wouldn’t be hovering around 50%.

I’ll never forget the wedding story a coworker shared with me.  His sister and her future husband, both in their mid-30’s, were business professionals with good jobs. It was the first marriage for both, so they decided to have a dream wedding. Their dream ended up costing over $50,000.  The reception alone accounted for over half of the cost.  They borrowed about $30,000 to help pay for the wedding and a honeymoon at a Caribbean resort.

The couple’s wedding day was everything they had hoped for.  Two years later they divorced.  When their story was shared with me, they had been divorced for three years and both were still paying off their wedding loan as part of their divorce settlement.

Sadly, their story is not unusual.  While not every wedding costs $50,000, it is not uncommon for couples and/or their parents (traditionally the bride’s parents), to spend exorbitant amounts of money for a wedding, particularly for first marriages.  Is this really a good idea?  I think not.

Typically, couples entering a first marriage don’t have a lot of money to start with.  In all practicality, wouldn’t it be better for the parents to stroke the newlyweds a check for a cool ten grand than to spend that much or more on a lavish wedding and reception that’s over in a day? And let’s dispense with the worn out tradition that the bride’s parents should bear most of the financial burden of a wedding, as if paying a dowry to be released from the responsibility of providing for their daughter.

I’m not knocking wedding celebrations.  I just believe it’s possible to have a beautiful, memorable wedding day without breaking the bank.  Americans could take a couple of lessons from the Japanese, even though a typical Japanese weddings cost over $30,000.

While some Japanese women wear modern wedding dresses, many still choose to be married in traditional, ornately hand-embroidered silk Kimonos.  Some of these are handed down from generation to generation, but more and more they are simply rented for the wedding ceremony, much as American grooms typically rent tuxedos for their weddings.

Why is it OK for men to rent tuxedos while women have to buy their wedding dresses?  It is solely because wedding marketing and advertising is aimed at women.  If the truth be told, most grooms are more eager to see their bride out of her wedding dress than in it!

If you go to a Japanese wedding reception, you won’t see a table full of beautifully wrapped boxes containing toasters, electric blenders and other gifts.  Guests attending a Japanese wedding reception are expected to bring “Oshugi,” a cash gift in an elaborately decorated envelope. What a grand tradition!  Usually, the amount of Oshugi is based upon the wedding guest’s relationship with the couple.  It can amount to the equivalent of several hundred American dollars. Sometimes the amount to bring is listed right on the wedding invitation.  In this case, accepting the invitation implies acceptance of the recommended Oshugi

Here in western Pennsylvania we have a few great wedding traditions of our own.  It is not uncommon to see wedding receptions held at the church where the marriage ceremony takes place.  Typically, women of the church help with cooking and baking for the reception, significantly lowering the wedding cost.

If you’re looking for a reception that’s awash in booze, a church probably isn’t the reception venue for you.  But who says you have to spend a fortune on alcohol for a wedding?  The bar bill, even for a modest wedding, can be enormous.

Per her request, for our oldest daughter’s wedding the only alcohol served was champagne, which was poured for the traditional toasts.  There was plenty of food and non-alcoholic drinks, lots of good music and dancing, and no drunks embarrassing themselves or bothering others. Several guests commented it was the most enjoyable reception they had ever attended.

Another common practice here in western Pennsylvania is to hold wedding receptions in fire halls or similar venues where you can arrange your own catering. Arranging your own catering can save you thousands on the cost of the reception.  As a cost cutter, you can also plan a late morning wedding followed by a lunch reception or even heavy hors d’oeuvres in lieu of a meal.

With today’s MP3 and other digital technologies, it is also becoming more common for couples to forgo a DJ and instead provide their own music.  Just remember to record the traditional entrance song and first dance music at the beginning of the tracks. You can connect to the venue’s sound system, rent a system, or bring one from home.

The bottom line for weddings is they shouldn’t cause anyone extreme financial hardship.  It’s possible to have a simple, yet elegant and memorable wedding without breaking the bank. Good planning is essential. The Internet has dozens of websites full of ideas on how to plan a low cost wedding without sacrificing quality.  Here are a few to get you started:

Cheap Ways to Have a Fabulous Reception

http://www.cbn.com/family/marriage/cheap-ways_davis.aspx

Have a Charming (and Cheap) Wedding

http://www.investopedia.com/articles/pf/08/inexpensive-weddings.asp#axzz1ufNALgN6

Seven Steps for an Awesome $2,500 Wedding

http://20somethingfinance.com/cheap-wedding

Ten Ways to Save Money and Have a Cheap Wedding

http://weddings.about.com/od/weddingplanningtools/tp/Costcutters.htm

Learning Simplifies Life

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Humans begin learning as soon as they are born.  Babies start by learning to recognize your voice, your face, and your touch. When these are associated with comfort, a baby responds positively and can develop normally.  When these are associated with pain or displeasure, a baby’s development is slowed.

As they grow from babies into toddlers, children learn from playing and interacting with others.   At some point in time, at least in western societies, they will begin a formal learning process that continues through early adulthood.  Whether they are home schooled or attend public or parochial schools, the benefits of a formal education are undeniable.

Attending college is a fairly common educational goal in the United States.  A  Georgetown University study titled “The College Payoff” indicates that lifetime earnings of a college graduate on the average will be 75% higher than the earnings of a high school graduate.   Likewise, a Brookings Institution Study indicates, “a $102,000 investment in a four-year college (education) yields a rate of return of 15.2 percent per year—more than double the average return over the last 60 years experienced in the stock market.”

It pays to become educated. Higher lifetime earnings open the door to greater possibilities in life, including access to health care, good nutrition, better living conditions, recreational opportunities and a host of other advantages.  Consequently, individuals invest a lot of money in earning a college degree.   A recent U.S. government report indicated that student loan debt in America has surpassed the one trillion dollar mark.  Americans are eager to earn a college degree, even when the cost is high!

As a management consultant, I can attest to the value of learning for businesses. Businesses depend upon any number of management processes to operate.  As they grow larger, businesses require more, increasingly complex processes.  I cannot begin to count the number of businesses that I’ve seen struggling because they didn’t adhere to their processes.  The most common reason for this is they didn’t take the time to thoroughly train their employees.  By investing in employee training, a company can significantly improve its efficiency and profitability.  Show me a successful large company and I’ll show you a company that has an effective training system.

With all of our societal emphasis on education and learning, I find it puzzling that so many Christians spend little time learning about their own faith.  Take this online Bible literacy quiz and see if you have room for improving your knowledge.   http://www.probe.org/site/c.fdKEIMNsEoG/b.4221233/k.636D/Bible_Literacy_Quiz_Separated_Format.htm.

While there are no accurate figures, indications are that the vast majority of Christians have never read the Bible completely through.  Do you fit into this category?  Then I challenge you to make it a point to read the Bible through in one year.

There are numerous websites that will help you read the Bible in a year.  A good one can be found at this link: http://www.ewordtoday.com/year/.  The website allows you to choose from 50 different Bible versions and to select from a variety of reading plans, including beginning to end, chronologically as the events occurred, in the historical order that most agree the books were written, or in a daily selection of verses from both the Old and New Testament.   You can find a number of Bible study tools at this website: http://www.biblos.com.

Many websites offer free Bible study courses. RBC Ministries, which publishes the popular devotional Our Daily Bread, offers over 40 free courses online at http://www.christiancourses.com.    Better yet, join a local Bible study group at your own church or at another church in your community.  These groups offer learning and fellowship—a great combination anytime.  Studying God’s word will make your life simpler, as it will equip you to better deal with life’s challenges and with its blessings.

I am a creature of a day. I am a spirit come from God, and returning to God. I want to know one thing: the way to heaven. God himself has condescended to teach me the way. He has written it down in a book. Oh, give me that book! At any price give me the book of God. Let me be a man of one book.                  

                                                                                                                                                  John Wesley

Feeling overwhelmed? Try this.

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“Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest”  Psalm 55:6                                                                                                                  

In Psalm 55, David is on the run, fearing for his life.  The disloyalty of an old friend has left him feeling alone, scared and in despair.  While your personal burdens may not be life threatening like David’s, they can be overwhelming nonetheless.

Our struggling economy has created burdens for many that they could never have anticipated just a few years ago.  Whether it’s because of a lost job, impending mortgage foreclosure, or overdue bills piling up, many Americans are suffering tremendous financial pressures.

Even if you’re in good financial shape, it isn’t enough.  A 2011 study by the Manilla Research Institute indicates many Americans are stressed out by the pressure of managing their financial accounts.

Many others are overwhelmed by caring for aging parents, health concerns, difficulties with children, struggling marriages and more—the causes are too many to enumerate.

In trying to escape the pressures, many people follow dangerous paths.  One of the most common escapes is alcohol.  Unfortunately, it provides only temporary relief and comes with a laundry list of potential hazards.

Drug abuse is another popular outlet. This includes both legal and illegal drugs.  Over medication with prescription drugs is a major concern–Michael Jackson immediately comes to mind.  In 2011, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported that one in ten Americans over the age of 12 is on some kind of antidepressant medication.

The Internet offers newer forms of escape.  It abounds with websites catering to extramarital affairs.  Sites like “Married Cheaters,”  “Married Cheating,” and the “Married Affair Guide,” are there to help those looking for an escape from marriage, either through a physical affair or one carried out “virtually” over the Internet.

Internet gaming is also a popular escape.  Through a multitude of game sites it’s possible to escape into a make believe world where you make all of the rules and you decide all of the outcomes.  In September 2007, ABC News reported that a man in an Internet café in China dropped dead of exhaustion during a three-day Internet gaming session.   While most people never go to such extremes, escapism through excessive Internet gaming carries real risks.

So what do you do when feeling overwhelmed? How do you try to escape the stress? We would all be wise to learn from David, who provides us a simple solution. He says in Psalm 55:16-17, “As for me, I will call upon God, and the Lord shall save me.  Evening and morning and at noon I will pray, and cry aloud, and He shall hear my voice.”

Philippians 4:6-7 tells us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  (NIV)

In her book, “The SuperStress Solution,” Dr. Roberta Lee devotes an entire section to spirituality and prayer.  Speaking of people who are religious or spiritual, Dr. Lee’s research concludes, “They’re better able to cope with stress, they heal faster from illness, and they experience increased benefits to their health and well-being.”  She also concludes that people who are more religious tend to become depressed less often. When they do become depressed, they recover more quickly. While Dr. Lee’s  conclusions are sound, she could have saved herself some time by simply reading Psalm 55 and believing.

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 8:37-39 (NIV)

Making Time for Family Time

  “A family in harmony will prosper in everything.”  –Chinese Proverb

Time Management

As a management consultant, I have found that business managers at all levels overwhelmingly agree that time is one of their most precious resources, yet few proactively manage it.  Consequently, many businesses are plagued by continual over-scheduling and scheduling conflicts.  Frequent scheduling conflicts in a business can lead to communications problems, employee frustration and poor morale.  The end result is always decreased productivity and profits.  Some studies have shown that improved time management can increase productivity by as much as 40 percent in certain companies!

Managing Family Time

The same holds true for families.  Many families units today have a single parent or two working parents.  Add school age children to the mix and you have an almost certain recipe for scheduling difficulties. Failure to properly manage your family’s time can lead to unnecessary stress, strife and even financial troubles. For families, most activities can be classified into one of four categories:  1) business, 2) household, 3) personal, and 4) family. Each category is essential to a family and each requires good time management.

Business Time is the time one spends on preparing for work, commuting to and from work, other work-related travel, and working.  It’s the most difficult time to manage from an individual perspective, since most workers are tied to a fairly inflexible work schedule.  They arise from sleep at a predetermined time and then spend an amount of time getting ready for work, commuting to and from work, and actually performing their work. It’s fairly easy to estimate the minimum amount time a worker will spend on each of these tasks.  Predicting the maximum is much more difficult, especially for those having long commutes, frequent business trips, and who are salaried rather than hourly laborers.

Household Time it spent doing the chores and other activities required to run and maintain a household.  This includes time spent on business correspondence, bill paying, preparing tax returns, dealing with home maintenance, meal preparation etc.  Many of these activities can be performed on a flexible schedule.

Personal Time includes periods of sleep, relaxation, exercise (including organized sports), personal hygiene and grooming, learning/studying, and spiritual renewal. For good mental and physical health, it is essential that none of these activities be neglected.  Unfortunately, far too many people sacrifice personal time in exchange for more business or household time.

Family Time is defined differently for every family.  Broadly speaking, it includes time spent on communicating, bonding, learning and enjoying one another’s company and love.  Family time includes worship services and other activities at church.  Since it is loosely defined, it is frequently the most neglected category.

Scheduling Your Family Time

As the ancient Chinese proverb at the head of this post suggests, family time is the most important category of time for families.  Mismanaging family time will hamper family harmony.  Sadly, in many American homes today family time hardly exists at all.

To maximize your family time, try this:

1.  Have a family meeting (parents only), to discuss and define what the most important, non-negotiable family time should be for your particular family.  During the meeting, try to set a day (better several days) for family dinner time.  The value of sitting around the table and sharing a family meal is well recognized.

2.  Next, bring any school age children into the discussion.  The purpose of this is primarily to inform them of your decision, but it’s also an opportunity to hear their thoughts and maybe even modify your initial decision.

3.  Use monthly, weekly and daily calendars to plan and list your schedule.  Refer to each frequently and keep them updated.  Time management consultants universally agree that having calendars is essential to success.  Use paper or electronic calendars, or a combination of both—whatever you’re comfortable with.  Free, printable calendars online can be downloaded at this link: http://www.vertex42.com/ExcelTemplates/schedules.html

Maximizing Your Family Time

Here are some rules to help you maximize family time when planning your family’s schedule:

1.  Use only one set of calendars (monthly, weekly, daily) for the entire family.  This will help preclude scheduling conflicts.

2.  On your calendars, enter dad’s and/or mom’s business time first, since it usually the least flexible.

3.  Next, enter your family time events.  This should include those non-negotiable, recurring events like attending church, designated family dinner nights, movie nights, board game nights etc., plus important non-recurring events like birthday parties, graduation ceremonies, recitals, ball games etc.

4.  Next list personal time for each family member.  This time is essential for mental and physical well being.  If you neglect either of these areas, it will have a negative impact on the other areas of your life.

5.  Next, schedule your household time, which is your most flexible time and can be squeezed in between other activities on our calendar.

Parents should take 10 minutes at the end of each evening to review and refine the next day’s schedule.  If you forget to do this or you’re just too tired, take 10 minutes at the beginning of the next day.  Once you’ve reviewed and made any required adjustments to the daily schedule, review it with the kids as necessary.

As with most things that are important to a family, managing your family’s time takes discipline. It also requires being flexible and willing to negotiate. There will always be scheduling conflicts for parents to deal with.  Every day will require trade-offs. Be willing to go to extreme lengths to protect your designated family time. Failure to be flexible and/or an unwillingness to negotiate on the part of either parent will disrupt family harmony and cause a ripple effect throughout the family unit. Remember to do all things with love.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)